Typically, the R-word is something we want to avoid at all costs—dwell on it too long and it conjures feelings of lack and unworthiness.
But you know how the world works…
You want rainbows? First, you need some rain.
This also applies to your love life.
You want to find the love of your life? Chances are, you might be rejected by some people who … well, aren’t that.
That doesn’t change the fact that rejection, in the moment, doesn’t feel too good. And if you let it, it can totally derail your search for love.
So, what’s the trick to not letting it? See our 3-step rejection guide below.
#1 Allow Yourself to Grieve
Don’t be put off that word, either: “grieve.” No, no one has died, and life goes on. But you are 100% allowed to grieve something that hasn’t worked out in the way you hoped.
There’s no getting around the fact that when you want something from someone that they can’t give you, it hurts. And when something hurts, denial is not your friend—it only sets you up for more disappointment later down the road.
So, sit. Make yourself comfortable. Do whatever you have to do to feel the sad, without judging yourself. Trust us—this is all normal, healthy, and part of it.
Most important thing to remember is not to let the grief take over you getting back out there for the next time – because there will definitely be a next time, if you let it.
#2 Admit Your Feelings
Maybe your rejection came from someone you really didn’t care that much about. If that’s the case, keep on movin’ on.
Chances are, if you’ve read this far, your rejector was someone you could have potentially imagined a future with—and now you find yourself back at square one.
While you allow yourself to properly grieve that lost opportunity, get totally real with yourself and spend some time in your feelings.
Often, after a date, someone will want to know what a date said about them first before they dive into how they are feeling.
It’s easy to shift into self-preservation mode and downplay or deny.
But guess what? Your feelings are valid and it’s necessary to learn how to voice your impressions of the date – what you liked and didn’t like.
YOU get to own the truth of your experience. Don’t disrespect your feelings by pretending they never existed to begin with.
#3 Repeat This Mantra
“If not this, then something better.”
Have you ever interviewed for the perfect job – one that totally matched your resume and your salary expectations, one with amazing benefits and a dreamy downtown office—and not gotten it?
Maybe you pinned all your hopes and dreams on this job. Getting it was going to change everything. And then, for whatever reason, it went to someone else.
Then what happened?
Well, life went on. You re-calibrated, got another job, and started totally kicking ass somewhere else. Chances are, you never even think about the “perfect” job you didn’t get anymore.
It’s hard to see the endpoint of the marathon when it feels like you’re stuck on mile 16. But if you’re going to finish strong, you gotta keep the faith.
Remind yourself that one day, you’re going to be so glad for all the experiences that ultimately bring you closer to the person who is right for you.
One of the best ways to get closer to someone who is right for you is enlisting the guidance of a matchmaker or dating coach.