Welcome back to The Communication Series! This Fall, we are getting super specific about the different ways you communicate (or don’t) what you want in a partner before you get into a relationship, during the relationship, and the ever changing ways you have to be ready to evolve with your partner for lasting happiness and compatibility.
A few weeks ago, we discussed the most effective ways to communicate in those early stages. You can go back and take a peek here.
Today we are going to talk about things you need to pay attention to before you get into a relationship – and what you have to be ready for.
We all tend to have our list of things we want in a partner. We have certain ideals in our minds based on what we are attracted to in looks, personality, and values.
Problem is, a lot of the time, we want certain qualities without recognizing that the other side of the spectrum will most likely come along with it.
For example, a client will tell me he is looking for someone “fiery” and with lots of “passion.” When you are with a more passionate person, you both will most likely have strong opinions and views on the world. This can lead to arguments or disagreements. That’s when I tend to hear that they don’t love this part of the passion so much.
So what’s the solution? Well, this is The Communication Series after all and this is one of the perfect ways to manage your communication.
Understand before you get into the relationship that the fire is going to come out in the best and worst times. Learn how to communicate more effectively, so you both recover faster and better see each other’s points of view.
Take me, for example…
My husband is a brilliant, passionate man. He’s constantly out changing the world (quite literally) with his ideas and insights. But this same passion can abruptly make him bang on the ceiling of our neighbor’s apartment to tell them “you guys are too loud” and “you have to keep it down.”
Thing is, I’m not out to extinguish my husband’s light. That honesty and authenticity is one of the reasons I married him. And I also knew before I married him that I would have to look for the times when I would have to communicate better or even take the reigns. This was an instance where I had to let him know that maybe I should be the one to talk to the neighbors about their noise level.
So when we see the neighbors in the hall, I take the lead in a much softer way. I let them know that, although, we know their schedule is different than ours, sometimes it is hard to fall asleep with their footsteps. “Can we come up with a solution together?” This is best for everyone involved.
I learn to take my husband’s good and his not-so-good together. Because unless you want someone who isn’t passionate and fiery (which is also totally fine, by the way), you have to be ready for the pendulum swing, the trade-off, and taking time to understand your partner in a more in-depth way – and be willing to work on it.
This is why working with a matchmaker or dating coach can be so beneficial. We help you, not only, find someone you’ll be attracted to who will share the same values, but we also help you dissect the qualities you want by being open and honest about what to expect – and also helping you navigate the relationship along the way. Check out our women’s and men’s services to see how we can best help you.
Be sure to tune in for our final part of The Communication Series in a few weeks! Keep your virtual eyes peeled.