They say “you know when you know” when it comes to deciding if your romance is headed towards marriage. But let’s dissect this for a moment…
This all-knowing “they” can sometimes make us feel like there will be a visceral click in the stomach, brain, or heart that whispers, “This is it!” Now I believe in that. And for many of us, this totally happens!
But sometimes, it’s nice to be able to have a few concrete things to check-in with, as well. Don’t you agree?
Well, never fear because I’ve created a few for you to think about and work in tandem with the “you know when you know” whispers.
#1 No Cat & Mouse
As many of us New Yorkers can attest to – dating is no joke here in the big city. I don’t think there’s any of us who doesn’t have a story of texting someone only to hear from them 3 days later…or a year later (or never).
Or … have felt like you have to set a time for when to text back so you don’t look like you’ve been waiting by your phone.
Or … getting together with friends and dissecting their every move, text, comment, or gesture to try and figure out if this person really likes you.
So when you finally meet the right person – one thing I know for sure – there is no cat and mouse game. He will call when he said he says he’s going to. She will feel comfortable to send a text whenever she pleases. Joint effort will be made to see each other without a guessing game or added drama. You will want to spend time together and you will make the time.
#2 Willing To Argue
This is a big one. Because I have seen so many couples come through my office where everything is unicorns and rainbows until that first fight. So here’s what I want you to know – arguments are going to happen. You are going to disagree.
The key difference is when this happens, you or your partner doesn’t shut down emotionally. You don’t decide to run away or bottle it all in. You hear each other out, learn how to communicate your differences with respect, and find resolution without feeling you haven’t been heard or that you haven’t listened.
At the same time, your arguments shouldn’t continually be about core beliefs or goals. This means you are on the same page when it comes to having children (or not), ideas on marriage, and future wants for career and finances. It doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out at this exact moment, but it does mean you’ve decided to work together to create a life that’s fulfilling for both of you.
#3 Meet The Parents
You’ve been dating for a bit. Sparks are flying and you find yourself excited to see this person again and again. This is when you will start to want to include them in all aspects of your life – not just on planned dates or time spent alone. If you’re the one (or someone is the one for you) you both should want to include each other in your lives. That means introducing each other to key members of your family and friends within a few months.
If there’s a family BBQ, you feel comfortable enough to bring your partner along. Happy Hour with friends or even a weekend getaway or vacation – it will feel natural to want to include that person.
#4 Bye Bye Tinder
This is simple… If someone is really ready for a committed relationship – the dating apps will be deleted. Period. You will decide together to be exclusive and say “bye bye” to your dating profiles. If you or the other person feels “iffy” about this or in any way decides to keep them around – then this isn’t the person for you or this simply isn’t the right time. And that’s ok. That’s why it’s an important conversation to have to make sure you are both on the same page – and that you are both ready for a lasting, committed relationship.
#5 Ultimate Comfort
Simply put, you feel like yourself around this person. You have more time having fun, laughing, learning about each other’s lives then you do decoding or analyzing them. You never feel like you have to censor what you say on a date or being worried that you ruined it because a tomato fell on your lap or your laugh is too loud. It all just flows. You also feel like you can sit in silence – watch a movie together or both read a book or magazine – just be together without always feeling like you have to be “on” or keep the conversation going.
Now that you’ve checked out some of my must have signs – are there others that are important to you? When it comes to your own relationship, which above factors have you experienced so far?
We want to know! Leave a comment below and let us know. And if you are looking for that marriage-minded partner, we just might have the perfect person for you. Check out how we can help and how we work – for men and women.