I’m not necessarily a spiritual person. So, you may see the title of this and wonder how I am about to make this connection?
Spirituality is defined as, “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.”
I am going to make the connection between being concerned with the human spirit and successful dating. In fact, I think there’s going to be a few useful strategies for you to think about as you head into these summer dating months.
Recently, I returned from The Annual Global Love Conference with The Matchmaking Institute. After ten years of hosting the conference in New York City, we decided to head to a warmer climate. This year, the conference was in Punta Cana.
We always have an incredible turnout filled with powerful speakers and strategies for collaboration and connection for matchmakers and dating coaches. But, this year the conference was a bit more focused on self-care and the spiritual aspects of being a leader in the love industry.
I realized that these same strategies are useful to just about any career-driven, busy person wanting to find and keep love, and willing to make it a priority.
A Better Way to Start Your Day
This year, we decided to add a daily, morning meditation. This session was focused on starting your day off with breath. Now, if you are anything like me, I’m lucky to make it out of the apartment, get my kids to school, and make it to the office even thinking about one breath. I’m on autopilot from the moment I wake up. (Most New Yorkers are like this).
I realized that simply starting the day with a few breathing exercises, as well as a few minutes to center my day, create an intention, and establish two goals; I felt more awake and motivated than I have in awhile. (And this is pre-coffee, you guys!)
This was such an unexpected game changer for me that ricocheted into the entire day. In the afternoon, during one of our brainstorming sessions, I was suddenly filled with creative ideas and able to think fast and help many attendees with their business questions.
What I realized is that by putting myself first in the morning – beginning my day with self-care – I was allowed to be present for the rest of the day. Not to mention, my anxiety seemed to be totally on the back burner.
When you are in the dating world and trying to find the person for you, it can be all too easy to feel like you’re on that same autopilot, running a mile a minute, heading to the next date, and sometimes just feeling disconnected from it all. Then, when you add rejection or when things don’t go as well as you hoped, it’s easy to lose that inspiration or motivation.
Now, here’s the thing, you don’t have to become a meditation guru for this to work for you. Try just a few conscious full breaths before you check Twitter in the morning. Or maybe write down a mid-day goal on your way to your afternoon Starbucks run. And before you go to bed, say out loud three things you are grateful for. After a few days of doing this, note how you feel. These are super small, easy-to-implement adjustments that I think can have a major long- term impact.
The Power of Positive People
Every morning, I also noticed myself feeling overwhelmingly positive about every aspect of my life. Now, I see you reading this and saying, “Lisa, you were in Punta Cana – how could you not feel amazing surrounded by sun, sand, and margaritas?”
My response would be, “You are so right, but there was also something else I was surrounded by…”
And that was a supportive, motivating, and inspiring group of people. The conference was filled with the world’s leading voices in dating and relationships. These are women and men committed to helping people find and keep love. Every single person was there to create connection and figure out the best ways to help their clients and communities.
Staying in this kind of environment is as important when you’re dating. You need to surround yourself with people who raise you up and motivate you to stay in the game. If you feel like you keep finding yourself out with that cynical friend who keeps reminding you that love is dead in New York City, maybe it’s time to rethink that weekly Happy Hour.
This doesn’t mean that friend isn’t part of your life but you also need to constantly create moments and experiences with the people who see possibility and positivity, no matter what. We forget how porous we are. It’s all too easy to absorb someone’s bitterness or cynicism.
Love is absolutely possible. I have created a business around this possibility and, let me tell you, business is booming. People are finding love every single day.
In fact, Dr. Angela Smith spoke about how important it is to stay resilient. This resilience actually helps you better spot the people that aren’t right for you. When you are resilient, you naturally have more confidence and feel hopeful that you are deserving of true, lasting love.
Lasting Love Lies Here
Speaking of lasting love, the last thing I want to share with you comes from the incredible Dr. Terri Orbuch. Dr. Orbuch is known as The Love Doctor® and considered America’s most trusted relationship expert. I am thrilled to have her part of my community and on the faculty at The Matchmaking Institute.
If you don’t know, she is also the director of a landmark study, funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), where she has been following the same 373 couples for almost 3 decades. So, what’s the key to a lasting, loving relationship according to Dr. Orbuch?
Dr. Orbuch explains that one of the major components of a healthy, fulfilled relationship is to see the good in your partner. Too often, people set expectations for their dating life and their partner that are impossible to keep up with. This results in feelings of resentment, unfulfillment, and general unhappiness.
The couples that are still in lasting, fulfilled marriages reported that they focused on their partner’s strengths and celebrated them. And, where they were weaker, they greeted it with compassion and worked together. Each person continues to take responsibility for their part, manage disappointment, and continue to love what their partner brings to the table.
When you are dating, this is a major aspect people often miss. Now, I’m not telling you to stay dating someone who don’t feel a connection with but I think you know the difference. Often, people bail because one thing sets them off. You have to have your boundaries (of course) but it if it’s not violating one of those core must-haves, then you have to reframe your perspective.
Romantic relationships are a commitment that will continue to surprise and challenge you. There is no perfection in a relationship. This is something that bears repeating each and every time you head out for a date.
Overall, the most significant thing I brought back to the Big Apple with me is that we are constantly surrounded by tools and strategies that can help us. There is no reason to feel alone or isolated in any area of your life. There are always tools. You just have to find what works for you.
That’s why – now more than ever – is the perfect time to enlist a dating coach or matchmaker to be your wingman (or woman!) on your dating journey. This trusted guide can help you make better choices along and also hold that possibility space for you when you feel tired, resistant, or unmotivated.