Dating is a game of conceal and reveal. Think about it as a sport for just a second. You need both offense and defense to win a basketball championship, right? In the game of dating, your conceal game has to be as on point as your reveal.
The problem is, we find many people coming into our office who go all out on the reveal. Let’s break down how this could be sabotaging a potentially great relationship…
Decoding The First Date
The first date is a time to get acquainted with each other – feel out the connection – and find out if this is a person you’d like to see again. That’s it.
The first date is not the place to decide marriage, children, housing, and vacation destinations. This means you don’t have to know every single detail about the person across from you and they don’t have to know every single detail about you.
Our Director of Matchmaking, Ashley, puts it best: “Think of yourself as a great book. You share one or two chapters on those first few dates. You don’t need to share the whole book. You want to be remembered as a page turner and keep them coming back for more.”
The first date is just the first step to unfolding the story of who you are. And we promise, you can be an authentic version without airing all your dirty laundry the first time you go out with someone.
Save The Big Stuff
In the past, we’ve had people say, “But that’s who I am. So, if they don’t like it or something about me – well, they should probably know right away.”
The problem with this is that you enter the relationship – from the get-go – on the defensive. (Remember you need both sides to win the championship, right?)
We live in a world of oversharing. But your first date doesn’t need to be a Facebook rant. We all know the feeling when we scroll down to see one of those. Even if the person means well, there is always that uncomfortable feeling. Let your date get to know you in a fun way.
Our writer Marisa personally implemented this tip…
“I was previously engaged when I was very young. I felt the need to tell every guy I went out with that I’d been engaged before. It was if I had to get it out right then and there,” Marisa shares. “But when I met my [now husband] I didn’t tell him for about three months. I just decided to have fun; to enjoy each other. I didn’t need to start off so heavy. And you know what? By the time I told him, it was really a moot point.”
If you are meant to be together, all relevant information will follow. You will have a strong foundation to build on. And it will feel natural to share instead of feeling like both of you have to fill out that new patient paperwork at the doctor’s office.
Keep The Mystery
Passion in the beginning of a relationship is a major component but a lot of people talk about it fading over time. I don’t believe that’s true. I think passion has different phases. That’s why sharing new things about yourself is a great way to keep the mystery alive and feed the passion.
Online dating and apps make it difficult to remember that when you’re out on a date, it’s the opportunity to get to know someone, learn from them, and create connection. It doesn’t have to feel like a job interview.
If you allow each date to fuel more adventure and shared experiences, I guarantee you’ll start to feel a difference.
Are there are more “too soon” dating things you should know about? We have you covered. Check out How Soon Is Too Soon. We break it all down – from the first kiss, leaving a toothbrush, and talking marriage.