The New Year clean slate. You know about it. You do it every year. January rolls around and you’ve shed the chrysalis of last year and are ready to fly. But then by February (ok, let’s be real – January 17th), you are back to the habits you wanted to change and your daily Starbucks is back in full force. (Yes, you’ll take the whipped cream because why the heck not?)
The problem is we don’t give things enough time to pan out. The initial idea of that end goal is always motivating but then – as time goes on – there is a solid amount of time where it’s not as fun; it seems taxing and you don’t get to have that nice Rocky montage set to 80s arena rock to skip over it.
You have to live through it. And when it comes to love – samesies. Is samesies a word? It’s not but you get it. If you want love in 2018, you need to create a game plan and make the commitment to stick it out.
So here’s our 3-step plan for you…
People come into our office totally motivated to find love. What we have learned is people really do want a good, healthy relationship. So that’s the good news. The bad news is too many people are giving themselves one night a month to find it and/or work on it.
What we mean is a client will say, “Ok, this month I have Wednesday the 15th available and that’s it. Will that work?”
And we have to politely look at them and say, “Um, no.”
If you want a relationship, you have to make the time. You have to put the work in – same as you would for your career. Because if not, then you will never really be in it. You won’t be able to create that sense of home for yourself and really find out if someone is right for you.
So take a moment right now and assess this year. How important is it for you to find love? If it’s up there on the list, then make time.
Ask For Help
Once you decide to make the time, one of the smartest things you can do is enlist some quality support. One of the things we work on with clients isn’t just finding them dates. We dig into your personal history, past patterns – what’s working and what isn’t – to help you create change where you need it and therefore, help you find the relationship that’s perfect for you in less time.
And so, we help our clients make a list. What have been your challenges? How can you work through it? How can we help you work through it?
We provide the honesty and support but also provide a non-judgemental, welcoming environment to help you grow as a person.
Think about how many other areas of your life where you enlist help – fitness, career coaching, finances. I mean most likely, the guy at Verizon even transfers your contacts for you to the new iPhone.
So why wouldn’t you invest in your love life? It seems to be one of the best things you could do for yourself this year.
You have to focus on what’s right as opposed to what isn’t. We have seen too many people decide that a small thing – something that isn’t on their make or break list – is reason enough to abandon the whole thing. It can often be so uncomfortable as you begin to get comfortable with someone. It will hit up on all of your defenses, worries, fears, etc. Intimacy is hard and discomfort is inevitable.
So people feel more comfortable to abandon – to protect themselves against possible rejections – as opposed to working through it. Always look at the positive. What do you really like about the person? Can you live with it? Does the good ultimately outweigh the other stuff?
Remember finding the best relationship for you is a marathon, not a sprint. Think about it like this: When you’re training you might say, “Alright, I can run to that next telephone pole and then I’ll take a break.” Then you get to the pole and decide to go to the next one – and so on and so on. Do this in your love life, as well. We guarantee you’ll see some major results this year.